The Gift That Is “I’m Sorry”
You know, if I’m being honest, parenting is hard—at any stage. Toddlers are one thing, teens are another. And don’t get me started on parenting adult kids. It’s all a different ball of wax, no matter what phase you find yourself in.
I can say that I’m not actually sure what I was in for the moment I became a dad.
Don’t get me wrong—I love it. My youngest is like a mini-me. We get along great, enjoy a lot of the same music, and have the same sense of humor. My oldest has become a very dedicated entrepreneur, a beautiful woman who carries herself with so much grace and poise. My middle is a beautiful, headstrong, intelligent woman who graduated from UGA last year and is on her way to becoming a lawyer. She has a great sense of humor and the most amazing smile.
They all have such wonderful gifts and qualities that I could go on and on about them.
And that’s the good part, you know.
Having chosen to be all-in when I became a father was the greatest decision I think I’ve made in my life. But as we have navigated these waters along this journey—the ups and the downs, the scraped knees, dislocated elbows, the disappointments of not making it into “Program Challenge,” not making the team, and so many other things life throws at you along the way as a parent—I’ve found that one of the greatest things I’ve learned in parenting is the gift of being able to honestly look into my kids’ eyes and apologize when I’ve made a mistake.
Listen, I know it doesn’t magically make everything disappear. But it does help bridge the gap toward getting better. And it shows them our humility in the position we hold as parents.
Your kids know you aren’t perfect. And we never received a “flight manual” when they sent us home with them.
On the way out the doors of the hospital all those years ago, I was scared. Scared of the future. Scared of making all the mistakes I hadn’t made yet.
I remember sitting silently at my middle daughter’s cribside, watching her sleep and wondering, What the heck was I thinking?
It was like the weight of it all suddenly hit me.
I was unsure of where I was going in my own life, what I would accomplish along the way, and what the future would hold. But I whispered into that little ear, “I’m in.”
I didn’t know what the future held. I didn’t know what life would bring. But I made a promise that no matter what happened, I wasn’t going anywhere.
And as a dad, that is one of my greatest prides.
We did seek the help of mature and seasoned parents—people we trusted—and we were comforted by the fact that we had an amazing support system when our kids were young. But the fact remains: we made mistakes. A lot of them, I’m sure.
From the way we disciplined, to raising our voices out of frustration, to so many other things I’ve probably forgotten along the way.
But one day, a light switch went off. It was as if I suddenly understood some hidden truth that no one had revealed to me before.
The words: “I’m sorry.”
Those two words helped my kids understand that we were just as fragile as they were. They also reminded them that we were willing to continue learning alongside them as they grew.
It helped us. And I’m sure it helped our relationships with them over the years.
So my point in all of this is simple:
Don’t discount the power of your apology.
It goes further than you might think.
It reminds our kids that we’re human. That we don’t have all the answers. That we can make mistakes and still choose to make things right.
And maybe most importantly, it reminds them that we all can be better if we’re willing to try.
Give yourself some grace, too. Grace for the struggles of providing, encouraging, protecting, teaching, and simply trying to be present.
And remember that “I’m sorry” is a great gift to give your kids—and your spouse.
If you are a present parent, you’re already doing something great. Being there is one of the most important things you can give them.
And sometimes, along the way, the words “I’m sorry” help all of us grow.
Be encouraged!
Jason Torres
