Modeling for Our Children What Jesus Modeled for Us

I think the Gospels are many peoples’ favorite books of the Bible, and I can see why. It’s fascinating to read eyewitness accounts of our Lord and Savior. We all know that as followers of Christ, “living our best life” means imitating Him and following His example. Similarly, our children first learn how to live by watching us. As I look back on my own experience as a wife and as a momma of three children, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my life. Our family has been blessed with health, joy, peace, and wisdom. And though we’ve not been without our share of parenting struggles, all in all we’ve endured very little “drama” and no major issues. But we have also, for the most part, been extremely intentional in how we’ve gone about raising our kiddos. Jesus taught us so much in His Word, but I wanted to narrow it down to five-ish simple things He modeled for us that I believe are important for us to model for our children if we want strong, healthy, happy families. There is much scripture as well as science-backed evidence to support most of what I’m about to share (I know, because I have read it!). However, in the interest of keeping things relatively brief and not losing you, I’ll let you discover those on your own.

Forgiveness. By His grace and mercy we have been forgiven of every wrong we’ve ever committed as well as those we have yet to commit! Not only that, but He doesn’t make us feel bad for messing up! In fact, He desires to take away our shame! That’s amazing. (How many times have we made others feel horrible for what they’ve done wrong??) Because of His sacrificial blood, we are made right with the Father, and we get to be in His presence now and forever. We have 24/7 access to all the good that is Him (so much!). Forgiveness brings peace and oftentimes a willingness/desire to change in the recipient—especially children. It brings healing and wholeness to relationships as well as to individual hearts. It makes us secure (ie, not anxious or fearful) in His love. Likewise, our children become secure in our love for them. Don’t we want that for our families? Holding things against people–inside or outside our homes–imprisons us, robs us of our joy and peace, and prevents what has been broken from healing. Hurts and offenses (especially multiple, repeated offenses) are real, and I’m not suggesting we let them go immediately. I am, however, reminding you that we were never meant to hold onto them indefinitely. We have been shown so much grace and mercy by our Father—and so we are required to do the same for everyone who wrongs us as well, whether they ask for it or not. A little grace and empathy goes a long way. But sometimes we’re holding on to unresolved hurt that is buried so deep, we don’t even realize it’s there. Ask God to show you any unforgiveness in your heart, repent, and give it to Him. He will help you! And don’t underestimate the power of telling your child (or your spouse, in front of your children) you are sorry, you were wrong, and asking them for their forgiveness. Those are some of the most valuable core memories/lessons they will take with them into adulthood. 

Gratitude. Years ago in a bible study, we read Ann Voskamp’s book 1,000 Gifts. It was life-changing for me in a profound way. It didn’t happen over night, but little by little, it became a lifestyle for me, and then in time, my family began to follow suit. You see, when you are experiencing true, genuine gratitude–it is impossible to feel any kind of negative emotion at the same time. The trick is, training your brain to switch gears when you need it to and focus on what you’re grateful for. The book details her building this habit–taking time to notice/look for and write down lists of every little thing she likes, enjoys, brings her pleasure. This may be hard for some to do, but as children of God, there is one thing for which it should be easy for us all to give thanks and that is a surefire way to get us into “grateful mode,” and that is Jesus. His love. His Grace. His forgiveness. If we truly understand who He is and what He’s done—what joy it brings us! All murmuring and complaining and negative feelings fade away. And we are left clear-headed (and clear-hearted) to sense what it is we are to do next. Eucharisteo is the art of gratefulness and showing grace. I have a letterboard hanging in my kitchen with a phrase on it that I’ve found to be so true–I have a hard time changing it out. It reads: A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles. Before many of the miracles Jesus performed, He often prayed and gave thanks to the Father. But let me tell you, sometimes the greatest miracle is the ability to change one’s mind. Especially when we’ve got a case of “stinkin’ thinkin’.” God once stopped me in the middle of my resentful-minded tracks as I was muttering to myself about my hubby’s clothes left on the floor once again. He clearly spoke to me in my head, “Yes, but is He loyal to you? (I reluctantly agreed). And is he a good daddy to your children? (Ugh! Yes!) And does he work hard to provide for the five of you so that you can stay home and raise your children? (Okay, okay. I get it.) Well, there you go. How do you feel now?” Grateful. Wow. Thanks, God. But I learned that I can’t just keep that gratitude inside me. It makes its most powerful impact when it is expressed out loud to others.  Practice saying thank you to your spouse and children for little things they do or say that you appreciate or admire (be intentional and do it often—you can’t overdo it!), and watch how it begins to affect the emotional atmosphere of your home. Like attracts like. Thankfulness is catching. And gratitude has a wonderful way of inspiring us to do and he our best–not just for our own good, but for the good of those around us. It truly opens the door to blessings upon blessings.

Humility and a servant’s heart. Jesus gave and he gave, seemingly nonstop in his three years of earthly ministry. He modeled humble servanthood, healing, teaching, and helping people everywhere He went. And He explained to His disciples that this is why He came to us. He emphasized the importance of putting others first and considering the needs of others above our own. I don’t know about you, but that sounds a lot  like motherhood (whoops–parenthood!) to me! The only difference is, Jesus did it with a glad, uncomplaining heart. Do we? I know I struggle at times with keeping my heart right when I’m constantly doing for others. Luckily, there’s grace for that! And adopting that aforementioned gratitude-based lifestyle has helped me tremendously. Kids are naturally needy and a wee bit selfish. But then again, so are many adults! It’s easy to get burned out, and of course we don’t wish to enable our children–we want to teach them responsibility and accountability–but we should also be intentional about looking for ways to show them God’s love through service. By His grace, and from a place of rest in Him—we can do it. And we soon find out how much joy there is in truly being His “hands and feet.” Let everything you do be for His glory and His glory alone–like you are doing it just for Him.   And while we’re at it, let your children see you volunteer (and encourage them to do likewise) in various places outside the home where help is needed (and not for how good it makes us look, but because we believe the world is made to be a better place when we each choose to do and be the good we wish to see in it). Doing so is crucial to building their God-like character. We must never get so focused on what we want to accomplish or acquire that we neglect the needs of those around us. 

Time with the Father. Jesus frequently “got away” from the crowds and His own disciples for alone time with the Father. That is how He was able to serve and do for others as much as He did. He prioritized presence over productivity. Do we? Do we take the time to just be with Lord, like Mary (much to her sister Martha’s dismay)? Do your children (or spouse) ever find you quiet and still, reading His Word? Do they ever hear you pray (apart from saying Grace before meals—which is wonderful, by the way)? I used to pray with my children everyday before school (as did my momma with me!) and again before they went to sleep. We also always prayed together before trips or big events as well as over booboos and hurts of the heart. These are daily rituals that are simple and yet essential to establish in your homes as Christ followers. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of communing with our Creator. Giving Him our time and attention and our hearts is the key to living that abundant (joyful, peace-filled, love-centered) life He died to give us. When Paul tells us to pray without ceasing, I feel like he is simply saying, include God in everything, as He is always right there with you, and He always knows best what we should do and which path we should take. Train your children to automatically go to the One with all the answers. The One who loves them best.

Fellowship. So many of the stories we read in the Gospels involve Jesus and others eating or celebrating or gathered around a “table” of some sort together and experiencing genuine heart to heart connection. And it wasn’t always with His friends and family either. Jesus ate with outsiders and outcasts–sinners deemed unworthy by others. He also ate with the religious elite, who in their pious self-righteousness got it so wrong, they eventually killed the One their God sent to help them. Jesus was not a respecter of persons–His table was open to everyone. Is ours? Are we intentionally looking for opportunities to spend time with the lost and lonely? Are we practicing Christ-like hospitality and encouraging one another in the Lord? Do we make eye contact, and are we fully present and not distracted when we are gathered with others? Are we making time to sit down as a family and eat together at the table? Are we truly listening and invested in each other (especially our children!)? In this world of increasing division and isolation due to screens (and differing viewpoints) of all kinds–fellowship is key to upholding a unified body of Christ (and a unified family!). We each reflect a different facet of God’s glory. Likewise, we each have a unique role to play in the Kingdom. We need what only others can give us. And they need what only we can give. On our own, we miss out on so much of His goodness. Are you attending church regularly? Being together as a family in His House nearly every week is a wonderful place to start.

This all may seem like a lot and not very easy. But then again, most things in life that matter and are truly worth doing rarely are. Let’s not let this fast-paced life pass us by. Let’s be intentional in everything we do and say. His way is always the best way. He loves you more than you can possibly imagine. And He wants the very best for you and your family.

With Love,

Layna Fulop