From Anger to Grace

Throughout my life, I have faced many challenges on many different levels. I have taken more L's than I have won. I have had many people come into my life and even more people leave. I have always held onto anger from the feeling of being abandoned and not being enough. Whether it be in relationships, friendships, business meetings, or anywhere else, I have always felt like I didn't belong in certain places.

That feeling of inadequacy, combined with a negative mindset, snowballed into a lifetime of anger, trust issues, and jealousy. It led me down a dark road of loneliness, even though I have always been around people. I pushed away the people I should have been close to and pulled close the ones who hurt me.

I have failed more times than I can count in my lifetime—with my kids, my wife, my friends, and multiple businesses—but I have always had one constant that has never changed, and that has been my relationship with God. He was the one constant I knew was there, but I never really drew close to Him. I have always been a very independent person and tried to figure out life on my own, never wanting advice because I didn't want someone to throw it back in my face later.

God is so awesome that He only wants to love us and asks only for obedience in return. He will guide us, love us, teach us, and never leave us alone.

Over the last couple of years after being shot, I have had to really learn to put faith first and not lean on my own strength. When I was down, I couldn't physically or mentally do anything. I relied on my wife to make all the decisions for me while she also had to worry about our kids, her own mental well-being, and everything else. She had to physically lift things for me and help me with most daily activities.

It took me several months (and I am still working on it) to stop fighting the mental pain of not being physically able to take care of myself. But God gave my wife strength, and the people around me had the faith to continue praying for me and lifting me up while I was down.

I learned through this process that the anger we hold inside does far more damage than seeking help, identifying our problems, and facing them. Since the shooting, I have been able to change my mindset (still a work in progress) from being prideful and stubborn to releasing the anger and hurt I had held onto for years.

On the day I got shot, I yelled at another driver over something very minor. That small brake check made me angry, not because of what the other driver did, but because I had never dealt with the issues in my own life. I couldn't take back the words I yelled, and watching someone point a gun and pull the trigger happens so fast that there's no way to change that moment.

My last thoughts were that my kids were losing their dad and I wouldn't get to grow old with my wife of only six weeks. I almost died because I had too much pride to make a personal change. I always used the excuse, "This is just me and how I am." When I write that statement, I get teary-eyed just thinking about how much pain I caused myself and the people in my life when I could have made a change.

If you are dealing with family trauma, hurt, pain, thoughts of suicide, feelings of inadequacy, or whatever it may be, just know that seeking God, counseling, and guidance to change your mindset could change the entire trajectory of your life—and your kids' lives.

As I sit on my porch and look around, it is simply amazing that God gave me a second chance to live this beautiful life and to be a father to my kids and a husband to my beautiful wife.

I still get angry from time to time, but learning from my mistake has opened my eyes to a whole new life I never knew was possible. Even though I faced one of the worst tragedies a person can physically and mentally go through, I am thankful that God gave me the opportunity to change and to share something that is so personal to me.

Be vulnerable. Put pride aside. Change your mindset to Godly thinking, and everything else will fall into place in God's timing.

God bless you, and remember that your mindset guides your every step, and those around you are watching to see how you handle life's situations.

Blessings,

David Hightower