Everyone gets hurt at times, particularly in marriage and family life. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world, and it can be easy to treat those close to us differently than others who hurt us.
Forgiveness is mentioned in the Bible 100-200 times, depending on the translation. Counselors have seen how unforgiveness affects people emotionally, spiritually, and many times physically.
Forgiveness can seem unfair at times. Some people think it means staying in a relationship with someone who continually hurts us, uses us, or abuses us. Forgiveness does not permit continued mistreatment. We are not commanded to keep company with these people, but we are commanded by God to forgive – which is a matter of the heart. Then there are times when we think we have forgiven, but we experience triggers that reignite the hurt and pain from before.
Sometimes forgiveness seems impossible, and it is difficult to let go of the hurt. In “Forgiving What You Can’t Forget”, Lisa Terkeurst shares how to find freedom in forgiving.
How do we forgive when we can’t forget? Lysa recommends the following steps:
1. We can make a choice to forgive out of obedience to God, despite what someone has done to us.
2. Gritting our teeth and trying to conjure up forgiveness doesn’t really work. We need to release the hurt, pain, and resentment to God as we recognize we are unable to forgive in our own strength. Sometimes we need to do this repeatedly until we are finally free.
3. To really forgive, we need to acknowledge that real forgiveness originates from God and then flows through us from Him.
Forgiving others is truly a gift from God – a gift of healing. Unforgiveness limits the joy God wants us to experience in life. There is a real possibility the ones that hurt us are unhealed people themselves. Maybe they have also been badly hurt, or maybe they are not as mature emotionally or spiritually as you and react out of their own pain.
Whether it is by your spouse, family, friends, or a stranger, my prayer is you will practice forgiveness. When you do, you will be free to live the life God wants you to live.
In Christ,
Lynn Langston
