He’s been loading up my spiritual dinner plate for quite a while, and I was beginning to feel as though I may “drop” it soon if I didn’t take time to share some of it! Don’t get me wrong--I share with people. I fellowship. I have my weekly hour or two long conversations over the phone with my mother (who only lives five minutes away). I facebook. I get some of what He’s given me “out there.” But this opportunity - to be asked to blog - was truly what I’ve needed. I’m not much of a pursuer. My personality often requires that things be placed right in front of me. And God knows that. Although, I am learning, slowly but surely, to go after a few lions…but that’ll be another blog, another day. Anyways…thanks to Lori Bush and EWC for giving me this opportunity.
I am not by any means a mature Christian. I’m not sure exactly what or who that would be. But I know it’s not me. Nor am I a baby Christian. Because I’ve been that, I know what and who that is. I like to consider myself a college Christian, so to speak. I’m learning a lot and still growing all the time. I know quite a bit and have experienced my fair share of trials and triumphs and am able to sustain myself apart from my spiritual and earthly mother and her apron strings. Yet, I don’t spend a lot of time in the Word, admittedly. I don’t always wonder, “What would Jesus do?” before I act. I still get it wrong all the time. I get caught up in my own life and circumstances and still forget the very truths He’s been pouring over me since I was a child. I often wish I were more “mature” than I am, but then God reminds me…I love you just how you are. Just, keep loving me. And just like that, I am at peace with who I am in Christ. And if ever I need reminders of what all I’ve done for him (when I feel like I’m a horrible daughter of God and so very undeserving of His love and many blessings), He shows me.
The very fact that I am in daily conversation with Him shows me how very blessed I am in my relationship with Him. Literally, I talk to God and hear from Him every day. It’s usually not about huge things. A lot of times it’s when I’m out shopping, believe it or not. I love shopping. It’s literally like therapy for me. And when I’m by myself, flipping through the racks, I ask God, and he answers. I’m serious. One day at Target I had loaded up my arms with things and had no shopping cart. I was at the furthest point from the front of the store (where the carts are) that I could be, and I was exhausted. I’d been out all day and forgotten to eat and felt right then and there as if I may literally fall to the ground. In my trivial desperation I whispered, “Lord, please give me a shopping cart.” Though I saw none anywhere when I prayed, I turned the corner and there, praise the Lord, was an empty, abandoned shopping cart! Now, yes, that’s little and insignificant to most. My dad would call it coincidence. But to me - it was huge! I asked God and BAM! Instantaneously, he came through for me! Its many “little” instances such as these that God has been whispering back to me, “I’m always here. Always! Nothing is too small for me. I care about everything.” That just completely blows my mind. There are people devastated in Haiti and all over the world. There are people starving and suffering. There are people being killed senselessly and lives being torn apart. And yet, my God is so big and so awesome, He even cares about little ol’ tired out me needing a shopping cart. I mean, wow!
The point I’m trying to make here is that I really REALLY feel like a lot of people don’t understand what kind of “relationship” God truly wants to have with each of us. He doesn’t want us to compartmentalize Him. He’s not just a God for Sundays and Wednesday nights. He’s not just there when we address Him with these eloquent formal prayers. He’s not just to be consulted when we have a pressing need or issue. He’s not just to be praised when we get a promotion or win the lottery, for Heaven’s sake! He wants us to be in constant communication with Him, like maybe we would be if we could literally see Him right there by our sides where He stays 24/7. We don’t have to be on our knees. We don’t have to be in church. We don’t have to even be in a “quiet place.” I talk to Him in the shower. I talk to Him while I’m vacuuming. I talk to Him while a child is wailing away in the backseat, and I’m trying to drive. I take immense comfort in the knowledge that He is always right there with me, and if I am the least bit uncertain about the smallest of things, He wants to help. That is so incredibly awesome to me. My love for Him stems from that. He is a real person to me—not just a heavenly unseen being. He is real. He is here. He is an active participant in this girl’s life. Is He one in yours?
Layna Fulop
sunnyblueskies@hotmail.com