You know that question people always ask, “So do you feel any older?” My answer was always “No, not really, it’s just a number!”
-- Until this year. Over the past couple of weeks whenever I thought about turning twenty-fifteen (okay, THIRTY-FIVE- ya happy?!), I got this kind of panicky feeling. Just a little bit. Like I forgot to do something. And it was really weird because I’m usually not like that… I go with the flow, I don’t worry about stuff, and I take it as it comes along. But this time, these little thoughts kept popping up – Have I done all I was supposed to do by this age? Am I as far along in my spiritual maturity as I could be, or should be? Shouldn’t I have it all together by now, which I totally DON’T? I know some people are probably saying that 35 is too soon to start that kind of thinking, but I guess with the year I’ve had with mom (passing away at 56) & my last baby in kindergarten… it’s just the first time in my life that the reality is setting in—time is flying by at record speeds. It really got to me for a couple days. Then the night before my birthday I felt really down & I picked up my Bible. Now, this next part doesn’t usually happen to me. I admit I’m not the world’s most self-disciplined Bible reader, and although I do take something away every time I read, most of my “AHA!” moments come during prayer or from hearing the word preached or reading someone else’s insight into it (just being honest). But as I was just pouring out my heart to God I thumbed through his word. I can’t even remember how I got to it, but I found myself in Philippians 1 and what used to be one of my favorite verses a few years ago practically jumped off the page— “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” It was as clear as if he had spoken the words out loud. What a great birthday present from my Heavenly Father, telling me that he loves me so much and is always in complete control! As long as I strive to keep my relationship right with him, I never have to worry about falling behind or missing the boat. He orders my steps… I’m right where I need to be. It may not be your birthday, but you might get that same feeling sometimes, like you are not where you should be, that amidst the day to day routines life is passing you by and you’ll never catch up. When all you can think about is how many times you blew it or days you’ve wasted, don’t beat yourself up—instead believe in God’s promise that he doesn’t give up on us- he will finish what he started.
So, I guess I can live with being 35! Although 40 I’m not sure about…
Lori Bush lbush777@gmail.com